Dazed and Confused

Not only was I dating someone smart, witty, funny and articulate, but I was also dating someone hot, sexy, great in bed, and beautiful to look at. The only problem was, they weren't one person but two, and therein lies the rub.

My dates with Nico were always intellectually stimulating. The ease by which our conversations fell from one topic to the next assured us no dull moment. As we walked around  Greenbelt to window shop and went from the National Bookstore in Greenbelt 1 to the Powerbooks in Greenbelt 3 just to browse for books, we never ran out of things to talk about. My worry was to find myself liking him more and more only to discover later on that we weren't compatible in bed, which would be a total let down given how much time (and probably feelings) we've already invested by then. That could easily be solved if we went ahead and have sex already, but he was such a sweet and gentle guy, and I couldn't find one perfect time where I could suggest we do so. The most we've done thus far was held hands and a quick peck on the lips inside the movie theater. I would have readily given in to more, but he didn't seem to be in any rush so I didn't press it. I never knew until then that dating such a gentleman was so sexually frustrating.

My time with Lyndon, on the other hand, was in a different category altogether. At this point, not a corner of my apartment had been spared from all the sex we were doing. He was sexually adventurous, and though we often started in the bedroom, we always ended up somewhere else: me on the kitchen table, or leaning on the kitchen sink, or pressed against the bathroom wall, or by the window as unsuspecting vehicles down below drove along the street. Riding a full bus back to my apartment or finding ourselves inside an empty elevator up to my floor, he would naughtily tease me by pressing his hardness against me and would pinch and knead my behind to get me worked up, all while whispering in my ear what he would do to me as soon as we reached my place. Until him, I didn't even know I was receptive to such exhibitionism, but he was bringing out parts of myself I never even knew existed and it was both scary and exhilirating at the same time. Though the sex was great, I couldn't help but worry. What would happen to us when the sex had staled? He wasn't as great a conversationalist as Nico, and when the euphoria and novelty of sex had worn off, what else was there for us to do?

And just as I thought, dating two guys at the same time was very confusing. I couldn't remember which of them went to Mapua and who went to UST. I couldn't remember who has the sister who lives in the UK and who has the brother who is a priest. I couldn't remember which detail about myself I had said to whom, and I always end up telling a story I've already told thinking I haven't told it yet to whoever was listening. What's more confusing was that they were both call center agents, and the details of their stories jumbled in my head and I often mixed up who did customer service and who did selling. I even mixed up the names of their co-agents and what their team lead's names were. I had to wait and listen carefully to what they said so I could gleam context clues that would reveal to me who did what, who was friends with who, and who went to where so I won't make mistakes with my responses. Of course I had to be more careful with Nico than with Lyndon, and sometimes Lyndon would laugh at me and tell me, “that's Nico and not me” and I would blush in complete embarrassment.

And don't even get me started about scheduling. Why was it that my phone may be silent all day with no one texting but as soon as one of them texted, the other one did too? And why was it that empty days would roll along without either of them asking me out but just as soon as one of them did, the other one did too? It's almost as if they were talking to each other behind my back and conniving to confuse me. Whenever this happened, I tried to balance out between my sexual needs and my intellectual stimulations, and depending on which one I needed more at the moment determined who I was going to say yes to. If only I could get both from the same man then I would have gladly committed to whoever that was. Was that asking for too much? Did I, like most gays like me, want the world?

But for all my confusion and for all the problems dating two guys were causing me, I admit that I was having too much fun to stop and pick one of them. And the way I saw it, neither of them was in any rush for me to make a decision, so maybe for now all I could do was to hang on tight and enjoy the ride. What could possibly go wrong?