First Date

Needless to say, I was the one who texted Jacob first. Because we both work in Makati, we decided to have dinner at Glorietta. My office building was much closer so I waited for him at Italliani's. This branch often got crowded on the weekend, with noisy kids and loud chatter, but it was the middle of a work week so there wasn't any crowd.

I was definitely nervous because this was my very first date with someone new. I worried that we might not have anything to talk about, that I would end up boring him. We didn't get much chance to talk when we first met, especially because when we arrived at his place he tore off my clothes immediately. Here was our chance to rectify things. I wore my best long-sleeved polo for the occasion, and before I left the office I made sure to brush my teeth, wash my face and put on some cologne. I had to make a good impression if I wanted this to work. 

He arrived and he was just as adorable as I remembered him to be from last weekend. He looked as if he just stepped out of the shower, and maybe he really did, I don't know. After ordering pizza and pasta, the conversation was off to a good start. We were getting to know each other: where we graduated, the details of what we do for a living, where I lived, how often we went to Malate, what our interests were. The only lull in the conversation was when the food came and we began to eat.

After dinner we took a walk inside the mall. As I spent more time with him I became more optimistic. We were having a good time, laughing at each other's jokes, not talking about anything too seriously that would dampen the mood. I learned that he had been single for nearly a year, and he was taking his time to find the right guy. I guess that meant he was going to date other guys while we were dating, but I think I can put up with that. Things turned sour though when he asked me how long I had been single and I said nearly three weeks. 

“So I'm a rebound?” he asked.

“No, of course not. I wouldn't be dating again if I wasn't ready yet,” I said.

“How long have you been together?”

“Almost five years.”

“And after only three weeks you're over him? I don't believe that. With a relationship that long I'm sure it'll take time. It's unfair to me that we went out on a date when you aren't even over your ex yet.” 

But I'm over him, I wanted to say, even if it wasn't true, just to try and placate him. Yet I didn't want to be dishonest, and I knew there was nothing else to say to salvage the date. Before he left, he asked me to delete his number. I felt so ashamed. I wanted to be angry with him, although of course I was angrier with myself, but all I managed to do was stand there and watch him walk away. 

*

The next night, after work I took the train to Shangri-La Plaza to meet Dan. I could really use some expert advice, and because he's the oldest among us and has the boyfriend the longest, he must have things to tell me. As usual, most of the tables at Starbucks were groups of gay men. After we ordered our pastries and lattes and squeezed ourselves at the last remaining empty table, I started from the beginning and saw it through until the walkout.

“He could have handled that better. You didn't deserve that,” Dan said.

“But you're saying he's right?” I asked.

“What do you think? Is it too soon?” 

“I don't know. All I know is that I still love Alex and whenever I think about the breakup it still hurts. Does that mean I shouldn't be dating yet?”

“It depends. Everyone will handle a breakup differently. It'll be easy for some like it'll be hard for others. But you have to figure it out for yourself.”

"Isn't there a ballpark figure? 3 months? 6 months? How long will I have to wait so it won't be called a rebound?”

“You're the only one who can answer that. But I do think it's only fair if you do some soul searching first. Think about the things you have to do differently this time around, the lessons you've learned from your relationship. It wouldn't help if you're only going to make the same mistakes as before. You'll only end up in the same place you're in now.”

“But I just need someone who stays.”

“Honey don't we all? Look. When it doesn't hurt anymore, then you'll know it's time. Until then, have fun being single. It may take a while but you may come to enjoy your new-found freedom eventually.”

*

Dan gave me a lot to think about that night, and to an extent, Jacob did too from the night before. Why was I so eager to be in a relationship again when I haven't even gotten over the last one? Why was I so afraid of being alone? Was I scared to discover that I couldn't stand myself? Jacob was right, I wouldn't want to be just a rebound too, I wouldn't think it fair. So if it wasn't something I'd ever want to be done to me, why had I been callous to have done it to him? Although I agree with Dan that Jacob could have handled it in a much nicer way, I couldn't fault Jacob for it. He must have had his own expectations about the date, and because his expectations had been unmet, disappointment and anger intermixed, which caused him to walk out on me. At least he didn't call me any names. So maybe right now, I didn't have to be in any rush, and because it's been so long since I knew how it felt to be single, I could sure use the time to rediscover it. I may even enjoy myself in the process.